Fathers and Sons
by bjxmas
Summary: 100 word Drabbles examining the complicated relationships between John Winchester and his sons. John loved his boys but he made mistakes. As tough as their lives were, he was never a deadbeat dad! How do his sons come to terms with their upbringing and heal the hurts of childhood? Hard truths in hard lives. Reconciling John's love with his faults. Including As Time Goes By, & Henry
1. Heroes

Fathers and Sons

Chapter One - Heroes

I'm no hero.

My dad wasn't either.

I used to think he was.

Back before.

When I believed.

When I was blinded by love and respect.

By loyalty.

For a long time I thought he could do no wrong.

I followed orders.

Never questioning.

Never doubting.

It took a long time for the shine to fall away.

For reality to beat me down.

For me to accept the truth.

He was scared and drunk and wrong much of the time.

He bullied and left us.

Kids alone to face the unknown.

Even when he knew what waited in the dark.

The End

bjxmas

May 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I absolutely freaking LOVE John Winchester, but I am also not blind to his faults! I think his relationships with his sons were complicated. I think he faced unimaginable terror for a father and he was paralyzed by it much of the time. Regardless, he loved his boys, that is indisputable for me and yet, he made mistakes. He damaged them inadvertently…but he also made them strong and together with Bobby, they raised amazing boys. Boys who turned into men who care and fight for right, who are loyal and true and loving. Men who are heroes. _

_A boy looks to his father to see who he wants to be as a man. He sees himself in his father. I think that's part of Dean's problem with his self-esteem and him not seeing his own heroics. He believed so strongly in his father that once that was stripped away, he had no clue what was left. If all you ever believed in is thought wrong, then how do you find the right in what you do?_

_I hope Jeremy Carver finds a way to bring John back. As busy as Jeffrey Dean Morgan is, he has repeatedly expressed interest in redefining who John Winchester was. He is not, nor has he ever been, a deadbeat dad! Dean needs to see the real John, the John between the dad he idolized and the father he came to despise. Dean needs to reconcile the two extremes because neither does justice to the complicated man John Winchester was and the hard road he traveled._

_Later, B.J._


	2. Liar

Chapter Two - Liar

I hated him for much of my life.

When Dean told me the truth,

I knew our dad was a liar.

I was angry…disappointed.

And scared.

I didn't understand.

I couldn't…not then.

So I rebelled.

Demanded normal.

Dad and I were constantly going at it.

Two bulls butting heads.

Yelling.

Fighting.

He remained immoveable.

Rigid and distant.

Barking out orders.

Demanding compliance.

I hated our lives.

Hiding who I was.

But that became my norm.

Pretending I could be normal.

Even then, I knew I'd never be.

But I wanted it so badly.

Convinced myself it could be.

More lies.

The End

bjxmas

May 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I love how Sam came to relate to his dad. How he finally grew into the knowledge and through his own tragic life experience came to understand how his dad felt, the grief and the terror, the harrowing agony of loss and the constant fear of more loss. Sam came full circle in accepting his dad, recognizing the love that was always there along with the fear that grew as each new threat against their family was revealed. Sam's talk with young John cemented that he had forgiven his dad for any transgressions and reached acceptance._

_I'm hoping Dean will have a similar journey. That possibly Sam could help facilitate a reconciliation between Dean and their dad. I'm hoping for the return of John Winchester so they can do it in person, but if that doesn't materialize, then I at least want Dean to find his own peace with how Dad raised them. As much as Dean wants to believe in absolutes: black and white, right and wrong…their lives were hopelessly mired in the murky depths of gray. John was neither a Superhero nor a deadbeat dad, he was a man stuck in a hopeless situation doing the best he could for his boys._

_Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome._

_Later, B.J._


	3. Belief and Anger

_Bobby weighs in…_

Chapter Three – Belief and Anger

John was conflicted.

His love for his boys undeniable.

But so was his pain.

A constant.

Twisting him into this obsessed, relentless hunter.

Surrendering the dad he once was.

He abandoned his boys when they needed him.

Left them to fend for themselves.

Forced them to grow up fast.

Especially Dean.

Dean coped the only way he knew how.

Rationalizing, forgiving.

Idolizing.

Sam reacted like John.

Angry, obstinate.

Hating.

All the love they had as a family.

Got twisted somehow.

Turned into hate.

Hunting, killing.

Dean was the one who clung to his family.

Until he couldn't anymore.

Belief shattered.

The End

bjxmas

June 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I know John and Sam both feel strongly about family, but they also succumbed more to their anger and the thirst for vengeance and that affected their actions, made them forget in their haste for payback. Dean was the one who always seemed to put family first, until he finally felt that betrayal, was finally forced to accept that maybe he was let down._

_Vengeance, anger and fear were the poisons that kept John from his young sons on all those nights when he should have been home attending to their needs. And yet, you can't totally condemn him because danger was ever present and to alter any of his actions back then might have resulted in a domino effect and maybe, just maybe, Sam and Dean wouldn't have been prepared for the fight they were later forced to engage in. Hindsight is never fair. John did what he had to do at the time, and even with the neglect and unfairness of how he raised his boys, they survived and became strong men able to do the job._

_This is simply the Winchesters' story, unfair and rough, but a part of who they were and what they became. When all is said and done, the love will shine through. Sam feels it now; we just need to get Dean back on board._

_Thanks for reading, all comments are always appreciated._

_B.J._


	4. Defending the Indefensible

Chapter Four – Defending the Indefensible

For so long I defended him.

Told Sammy our dad was a Superhero.

Fighting monsters.

Saving lives.

I needed to believe.

Needed to know all our sacrifice meant something.

I had nothin' else.

Nothing to believe in except Dad and his cause.

For too long I backed him.

Covered for him.

One Christmas after the next.

More broken promises.

More lies.

He was the adult!

He should have been there.

I was a kid!

Scared and alone with all this responsibility.

Too young to know any different.

Afraid to speak out against the injustice.

To admit the pain of neglect.

The End

bjxmas

May 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Dean did what he needed to do to survive. He only had his dad, afraid of losing him like he lost his mom, clinging to all that remained. Hanging on with the fierce determination of a warrior to the belief that his dad was a Superhero. He desperately needed something to steady him during all those nights alone, with the awful weight of trying to protect his kid brother from the knowledge of monsters lurking in the dark. Knowledge that a kid of four had to somehow process and come to terms with, never allowing himself to show fear or doubt. Always there to hold his family together._

_This is angry, resentful Dean. The Dean that finally exploded in rage at the injustice in Dream a Little Dream of Me. This isn't rational Dean, the one who will come to understand and forgive. What John did to his sons was unforgivable and yet, it has been forgiven by Sam and will be by Dean. They are his sons, they love him and on a deeper, more mature level they know the pain he was in and how lost he truly was. _

_Dean is built to forgive, to willingly take on more pain, to accept and allow others to be less than what he expects from himself. It ain't right, but it's why I love and admire Dean so damn much._

_Sam and Dean need to forgive Dad, not for him, but for themselves…so they can move on and accept their lives. So they can once more come together as the loving family they've always been._

_Thanks for reading, B.J._


	5. Expectations

Chapter Five – Expectations

I needed my _father._

The guy who used to play catch.

Who smiled and laughed.

The Dad who made me feel loved.

I was a kid trying to be what he expected.

Shooting at six.

Bulls-eyeing those bottles.

Taking what pride I could from that look of approval in his eyes.

That's not what I needed.

Not what I deserved.

He was supposed to love us!

Love us as kids.

Not soldiers.

I assumed my role as second in command.

Fighting a war I couldn't comprehend.

He surrendered his _children._

Abandoned his duty.

Left us alone.

All childhood expectations shattered.

The End

bjxmas

June 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Again, this is Dean at his most despondent. This is the hurt child crying out, finally succumbing to the injustice of his life. John did love his children and he was proud of Dean. Proud in so many ways. Unfortunately the focus was all too often on the fight, on surviving, on protecting Sammy. Everything else fell to second place in John's mind…and in Dean's. Until the hurt exploded and that lost child cried out. A grown man furious on behalf of the child that died the same night Mary died._

_Dean just needs to feel John's love and acceptance…and then maybe he can feel it towards himself. Accept that he is a good man, worthy and loved._

_Thanks for reading. Comments?_

_Later, B.J._


	6. Easy Target

Chapter Six - Easy Target

For a long time I refused to acknowledge the danger in what we do.

It was all action and thrills.

Adrenaline

The high that comes from conquering the unknown.

Refusing to accept the possibility of losing.

Of dying…or _worse._

It was a game…a challenge.

A way to prove myself.

To gain approval.

_Dad._

It was what _he_ did…

So I followed his lead.

When I was six he took me shooting.

I bulls-eyed those bottles with all six shots.

He smiled at me with pride in his eyes.

That's when I knew who I was.

What I had to do.

The End

bjxmas

May 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Acceptance, approval, validation and worth. Those are all things Dean craved, the rewards that came from following orders and receiving that slight smile of satisfaction and pride from his dad. It was what he lived for and very well could have died for…and yet, without hunting, without his dad to lead him into the bowels of evil, he is at loose ends, unable to accept any worth beyond that role of hunter. Now, often times, even losing that sense of value as he questions the life and his purpose and doubts his effectiveness. _

_His adoration and later denouncement of John are both extremes, Dean teeming with rage and feeling betrayed. He needs to find balance. He needs to come to terms with John's faults while accepting the good that is also there. This isn't the black and white that Dean is comfortable in; it's the messy gray that confounds him and leads to more inner struggles and turmoil before hopefully finding understanding._

_When his mom died he was a child of four, a kid who had his entire world ripped away, and yet he couldn't shiver in the dark, cowering away from the realities or getting drunk like his dad to escape. That four-year-old boy had to man up and face his darkest fears and, most importantly, protect his family. _

_He did that. He sheltered Sammy and cleaned up after his dad. He stood tall and held them all together. No wonder Sam and John love him and are proud of him. Dean has an iron core riveted into a protective shield surrounding a tender heart and a sensitive soul. He is a complex bundle of all that is good and pure and all that is fierce and mighty. He is Dean Winchester, one intriguing man who deserves to find peace. A man who needs to accept himself and those around him. A man able to bear the weight of all those expectations and triumph like the true hero he is. _

_Thank for reading, all comments are appreciated._

_Later, B.J. _


	7. Anger Issues

_3.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me tag _

Chapter Seven – Anger Issues

Fury.

Rage.

Hurt.

It all came roaring out from someplace buried deep.

I shocked myself.

Disgust.

Contempt.

Hatred.

He was our _father._

He was supposed to protect us.

Keep us safe.

Comfort us.

Not scare the crap out of us.

He became our drill sergeant.

Ordering us around.

Demanding obedience.

He stopped being my dad.

I ceased being his son.

Soldier.

Warrior.

Protector.

That was all I was.

Nothin' more.

I idolized the bastard.

Wore his leather coat.

Listened to his music.

Drove his car.

Nothing but a poor imitation.

I don't know how to be anything else.

Nothing now.

The End

bjxmas

May 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Jensen made that scene so powerful, so telling. It was the first step for Dean, allowing his deepest feelings out, all that anger and fear, the resentment and loathing he kept locked down tight over the years. It was an explosion of emotion and Jensen is so damn good at expressing that. _

_Dean was forced to face those buried feelings but now he needs to progress past that point to find and embrace understanding. All those conflicting thoughts, all the simmering needs of that young boy need to be laid to rest. _

_It is a treacherous journey but Dean is brave enough to embark on it and conquer all his doubts and the hurts that have piled on since John's death. Dean will be stronger in the end, once he reconciles all those expectations to the reality._

_We all know he is far from a poor imitation of his dad. He is so much more, someone worthy and deserving of admiration from all. John was proud of him, he just had a little problem communicating that to his son amid all the other crap going on in their lives._

_Thanks for reading, comments and discussion always most welcome!_

_Later, B.J._


	8. Through a Brother's Eyes

Chapter Eight – Through a Brother's Eyes

Dean always saw the good in Dad.

Unrealistic hero worship.

I hated how he took his side.

Defending him.

Idolizing him.

Now I wish Dean could.

It hurts to see my brother in pain.

Hurts to see him hopeless and down.

It took a lot for him to admit Dad wasn't a Superhero.

To understand he was simply a man.

As scared and broken as the rest of us.

And yet…Dean can't accept.

Can't forgive his sins.

He needs to.

Not for Dad, but for him.

Maybe then he can forgive himself.

For not living up to those unreasonable demands.

The End

bjxmas

August 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_One of the things I love the most about Supernatural is how perceptions don't always line up with reality. How each brother, while knowing the other so well in many ways, discovered new truths about their brother during the course of their journey. How what they thought they knew sometimes shifted and they saw new reasons b-e-h-i-n-d the behavior. It gives Sam and Dean their depth, that they are constantly evolving while their core personalities remain true. With a Winchester, it's best to never assume. They are far too complicated for casual observance and simple answers. Even knowing them as well as we do, after seven years of reveals, they are still able to surprise us and give us a deeper and oftentimes darker glimpse inside._

_And I really love seeing Dean through others' eyes, because he is too harsh on himself, too unforgiving and demanding, either because of inordinate pressure from his dad in his formative years or simply his own need to protect his family and ignore danger in the wake of his traumatic childhood. So it's nice to think that Sam or Bobby or even John really did appreciate him, even if the message sometimes got lost between intent and how it was received._

_Thanks for reading, discussion and comments are most welcome._

_Later, B.J._


	9. Transitions

Chapter Nine – Transitions

Fathers and sons are hard.

There's love and rivalry.

Respect and jockeying for position.

It's hard for a son to see himself as a man.

For a father to allow his boy to grow up and become an equal.

Dean is a man, good and strong and true.

I think John knew that, respected it and yet…

He never relinquished control.

Never relaxed and allowed his boys to travel their own road and make their own mark.

That demon stacking the deck against them.

Fear and dread maintaining control.

I wish they could have made the transition.

Dean deserves that.

The End

bjxmas

August 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_John was such a strong, formidable man, someone anyone would feel hard-pressed to equal or surpass. To be his son, to try and live up to that high ideal, would be difficult under the best of circumstance, but to live in that shadow and also live with the knowledge of all the evil in this world and the expectation to overcome, well, it would be a daunting task. Most especially with all the love and admiration Dean had for his dad. And yet, the natural order is for sons to grow up, to mature into their own men with dreams and goals all their own._

_I wish John had lived so they could have resolved the father/son stuff and Dean could have felt his dad's love and admiration, the pride I know John had for both his sons. There's an old saying that a boy can't become a man until his father acknowledges him as one. A father's pride in his son's accomplishments allowing the boy to feel comfortable in his own skin, to move beyond 'son' and find his true role and worth in life. Dean was robbed of that natural progression. Additionally, he has always been trapped within two personas, that scared little boy struggling to carry on despite tremendous loss, and the strong, confident man/hunter who faced terrors unimaginable with courage and swagger that would make any father proud. _

_I want Dean to hold on to the sensitive, emotional side of the little boy, it's where his humanity and empathy are strongest, but move on into the confident, secure man I know he is capable of being, the go-to guy who gets the job done. A man we are all proud of. Dean just needs to feel it and believe it as we do. And as John did and would have, if he was only around to show Dean the truth in that statement!_

_Thanks for reading. Discussion…well, as you can see, I LOVE discussing Dean and Supernatural! Bring it!_

_B.J._


	10. My Sons

Chapter Ten – My Sons

I am so damn proud of my sons.

Dean is steady and true.

Strong in ways he doesn't even see.

Always protecting his family.

A fierce hunter.

A good man.

Sammy, he's so much more than his old man.

Forged from the same traumas

But stronger, braver, more sure in his reactions.

Both my boys know loss.

Yet, they still feel.

Still care.

Somehow they held on to their humanity more than I could.

I retreated.

From them and the world.

Focused on revenge.

On justice.

They have each other.

The best gift I could give 'em.

So damn proud.

The End

bjxmas

September 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_The true tragedy of the Winchesters is the father/son relationship that suffered because of their loss. That John never had the chance to fully reveal how he felt about his boys, to tell them how proud he was of them. John had to be conflicted about how he brought them up. He had to know on some level the damage and neglect he inflicted on them. He felt he HAD to, to protect them and keep them safe, to save him from losing them to the danger that dogged them. It was collateral damage, them losing their father, him losing his sons… Better to have them hate him and resent him than for them to die. He simply couldn't face losing another piece of his family. He'd rather die first._

_Such pain and conflict. No good way out except to barrel forth, fighting evil and looking to take down the demon. In many ways John was a coward, afraid of loss and terrified of failure. His sons living all that mattered. Willing to sacrifice that father/son relationship and assume the role of drill sergeant. A loss they all felt._

_And honestly, without John's drive and forcing his sons to become soldiers at a young age, would Sam and Dean have survived? Would they have been strong enough to do the impossible? We'll never know, but as Sam realized back in Nightmare, a little more drinking and a little less demon-hunting and they might have had the life of Max or hundreds of others who weren't up to the challenge of surviving._

_Surviving is tough, conquering evil on the vast scale the Winchesters encounter is near impossible and yet they do persevere. And through it all they hold tight to their family, as battered and bruised as they all are. They are heroes and that is never an easy role to fill._

_Thanks for reading…as you can see, I LOVE discussion! Comments…please! _

_Later, B.J._


	11. For Whom the Bell Tolls

Chapter Eleven - For Whom the Bell Tolls

The Winchesters' story is tragic.

Mary starting the whole damn thing.

That had to torment John…

Her saving him opening the door for that demon.

It took years to unravel the events.

Truth finally revealed.

Her actions ten years prior bringing the Demon to their son's nursery.

The beginning of the end.

Sammy surrendered to save John.

John willingly dying for Dean.

Full circle as Dean traded his life for Sam's.

It's crazy…insane.

Wrong on so many levels and yet it all comes from love.

From refusing to let go.

Enough blame and guilt for all as hurt wins out.

The End

bjxmas

October 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_And this is both the beauty and the despair of Supernatural and the Winchesters' story. To know love like that, to have someone willing to sacrifice all for you, then to know the resulting heartbreak of such a loss…chosen because they think you're worth it. How do you live with that? How do you do what they do, facing down evil every day, seeking it out and engaging it? How do you ever find peace?_

_What an amazing story Kripke and his team have crafted and blessed us with. Great material for a fledgling writer to dig into. Thanks for reading, comments always appreciated._

_Take care, B.J._


	12. What Once Was

Chapter Twelve – What Once Was

I never knew the Dad Dean knew.

The average guy.

The Father.

Never felt the loss of that.

The disappointment.

And betrayal.

When I met young John in the past.

Talked to him about what he wanted for his children.

It opened my eyes to the loss.

For all of us.

He never wanted this.

Wouldn't think of pulling his kids into the life.

And yet he did.

He changed.

I understand that now.

I wish Dean could know that man again.

The Dad he lost the night Mom died.

I know he'd like him.

Maybe then he could forgive.

The End

bjxmas

October 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_In many ways Sam got to know their dad better than Dean did. John somehow opened up to him more, in the talk about the college funds in Dean Man's Blood and that lovely talk of outrage that young John had when he learned that Sam and Dean were brought up as hunters by their irresponsible father! Sam showed his compassion and understanding and forgiveness towards his father in a true moment of growth._

_Maybe it was John felt the need to explain more. Sam pushing him to it and as a loving father he took the challenge and opened his heart._

_Dean always appeared closer to his dad, but all of that revolved around hunting and following orders, playing the 'role' of the perfect son and not upsetting the balance of power that John imposed on his boys. I think Dean was afraid to tread into dangerous emotional territory and convinced himself it was all 'necessary' and hence didn't challenge his dad or expect better._

_John took that as acceptance, then took it further by taking the easy way out, continuing to accept what Dean offered. Dean's purpose in life, the care of his family and the drive to hunt all things evil, served John's purpose for Dean well. I still hope that Dean will get that talk of resolution, that insight and understanding of where John's head was at and most importantly, truly feel the love. Dean needs to feel that love and pride John has for him as a son and as a man, not just as a hunter. _

_Thanks for indulging my musings. Comments always appreciated._

_Take care, B.J._


	13. What Never Was

Chapter Thirteen – What Never Was

Sometimes I wonder what our lives would have been.

Without the loss of Mom.

Without hunting.

I mainly focus on Sammy.

Giving him what he wants.

A real home.

Soccer games and prom dates.

_Normal._

I never think about what I'd want.

Never saw the point.

Easier to accept what is.

Now I know that was a lie I told myself.

I just don't know what I want.

It all seems so distant…unattainable.

It was easier before.

Without the longing.

Without the hope.

Maybe what I most wanted

Was for Dad to see me.

To know me.

To accept _me._

The End

bjxmas

October 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Dean breaks my heart. He is such a good man, was such a sweet boy, and to know all that was lost along the way is truly the greatest tragedy of their lives. That perfect Winchester future destroyed by the demon, abandoned and neglected by the father, and surrendered by that little boy and the man he grew into…_

_Dean deserves better. He deserves to see himself as the world and his family see him. He deserves to feel that love and acceptance, and the pride that I know John did have for his son but somehow never properly conveyed._

_More than anything he deserves to be able to dream of a better life, of feeling worthy and satisfied for something other than the hunt and the kill. _

_Jensen slays me when Dean is allowed to express all that conflict within him, the longing and the hope amid the dejection and betrayal, the complex emotional quandary that is Dean Winchester!_

_Anyone looking for a longer examination of this train of thought might want to check out my previous story, Fortunate Son, where I first delved into how Dean felt about Dad having another son in Jump the Shark. I know some didn't like that episode, but I loved pulling back the layers and getting to know Sam and Dean a little better. It wasn't about 'Adam', it was about the pain of finding out John could be a somewhat normal father to him. The look on Jensen's face and the tension in his voice when Dean saw that picture of John and Adam, the realization that Dad took him to a ballgame on his birthday…something that I'm sure Dean would have LOVED but surely never happened…to him or Sam. That's what grips our hearts and makes us love our boys even more! _

_Thanks again, discuss away…_

_Later, B.J._


	14. Abandoned Dreams

Chapter Fourteen – Abandoned Dreams

When I fell in love with Mary.

When she said 'Yes' to a life with me.

I knew I owned the world.

Knew our family would complete me.

I never felt as happy as when our sons were born.

Seeing that extension of us.

Born out of love and into love.

The little boy Dean was made me so proud.

So content.

To think I threw it all away.

Abandoned all my dreams for _this._

A life of hardship and unbearable loss.

I stole his future.

Forced him into the life.

Regret can't right that wrong.

_Son, please…forgive me._

The End

bjxmas

October 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I find the most fascinating aspect of their relationship is trying to reconcile the life they had and would have had, to the life they got. A life of struggle and sacrifice, of torment and pain, of anger and disappointment. I always see the love in JDM's eyes when he speaks of his sons, that longing when he sits on the couch in Missouri's home and misses his wife. The man that was, the father and husband, the average-guy mechanic just trying to do right by his family. After all they've endured, I just want his sons to k-n-o-w that love, to feel it deep in their souls so they at least have that bond to hold tight to when things get hard. It's the least the Winchesters deserve after all they've given._

_Thanks for reading and thanks to those that leave a review. A few words really do mean that much!_

_Later, B.J._


	15. Broken Promises

Chapter Fifteen – Broken Promises

Sammy completed our small family.

Dean finally had his little brother.

Mary and I had another perfect son.

My two boys were all I needed.

All I could ever ask for.

I wanted so much for them.

Baseball games, county fairs.

Birthday parties and first dates.

College and a family of their own.

So many plans.

So much promise.

My _sons._

Growing up before my eyes.

Contentment as Mary and I grew old together.

Knowing they'd be there to carry on.

Best friends, sharing their lives.

Despite all my failures, too many to count.

At least I did that right.

The End

bjxmas

October 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_And with the brothers now struggling to reforge that bond, this drabble offers us John's hope of how his boys will be, what we've seen in the past but is now hidden and tested. Their love is still there, that common ground is still their fate in life: saving people, hunting things, the family business. _

_Out of all John's hopes and dreams for his boys, he at least needs to get that one: Best friends sharing their lives!_

_Thanks for reading, comments most welcome!_

_B.J._


	16. The Family Business

Chapter Sixteen - The Family Business

There's no point in looking back.

No way I can change what's done.

Just like Mary couldn't change what happened that night.

The Demon fulfilling his promise.

_Ten years._

Just the start of the toll this has taken.

Twenty-plus years now and still no end in sight.

The road we're traveling

Endless and hard.

Nothin' but death able to stop this journey.

My sons trapped on the same quest.

Saving people.

Hunting things.

The Family Business.

I _wanted_ college funds.

A home.

A purpose other than destruction.

_Normal. _

I wanted so much for our boys.

Instead I gave them pain.

The End

bjxmas

November 2012

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Young John could never imagine inflicting the hunting life on his children. That John did, that it came to that, shows the changes he underwent, the losses and the detours. How fate had other destinies in mind._

_Two possible futures that could have been, with only one being allowed. Shaped by outside forces and a man surrendering to the pressure and the peril. A true tragedy for the Winchesters but also a triumph, for them and the world because where would we be without their sacrifice and those hard decisions that simply had to be made?_

_Thanks for reading and special thanks to those who share their thoughts._

_Later, B.J._


	17. Abandonment Issues

_8.12 As Time Goes By tag _

Chapter Seventeen – Abandonment Issues

My dad ditched us when I was a kid.

Tucked me in.

Said goodnight and left.

I always wondered what I did.

Why he abandoned us.

What would have made him stay.

Another man stepped up.

Took me in.

Taught me the things a father teaches his son.

How to be a man.

Honor, duty.

To your country and your family.

After Mary died they tried to take my boys.

Said they'd be better off with someone else.

Over my dead body!

I'd never abandon my boys.

Never do to them what he did to me.

I'm raising my sons.

The End

bjxmas

January 2013

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Some are upset that they seem to have rewritten Winchester history since there is mention in 4.03 In The Beginning for young John to say 'Hi' to his old man. I don't think reference to him having a man who raised him negates that his biological father, Henry Winchester, was thought to have abandoned him. Regardless, I think there is ample proof that John Winchester loved his sons and thought family was important. He refused to hand over his sons to someone else to raise, even if some might have thought that preferable to him leaving them on their own so much._

_So in that regard it fits and is just another reminder of the sacrifice and cruelty of fate for our Winchesters. It comes full circle with Dean and his feelings for Ben. Dean assuming the role of dad even though Lisa assured him he wasn't Ben's 'real' dad. It doesn't really matter except for the tragedy of all the hurt that was once again placed upon a child because of the legacy of the Winchesters. There is nothing worse for a father than feeling he has let down his kids._

_I liked Henry and will miss him. I wish we'd gotten more of his story and that emotional connection to our boys. By Dean's reaction, there was much to discuss._

_Thanks for reading, comments make me happy. And I love discussion!_

_B.J. _


	18. A Life Unknown

Chapter Eighteen – A Life Unknown

Reading John's journal hurts.

This was my son.

His life.

His tragedies.

I never got to see him grow up.

Wasn't a part of his life.

Instead I was the cause of his anger.

Feeling abandoned.

Dean is bitter and resentful.

I can't blame him.

But he's wrong.

I'd never leave my son.

Never choose to be separated.

I don't know how this could have happened.

How I could have predicted.

How I can fix this.

The only good to come from this is meeting my grandsons.

They're strong and true.

As long as there are Winchesters there is hope.

The End

bjxmas

February 2013

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I really feel for Henry, as I feel for all the Winchesters. In many ways it does seem like they are cursed, set on an impossible course and forced to surrender so much of their family to this noble cause of theirs. Henry did what he felt he must, what he thought was right, and yet it turned out so wrong._

_And yet every wrong turn, every bad choice, from Henry to Mary to how John raised his boys brought the Winchesters to exactly where they were supposed to be to save the world. Dean understands this and accepts it, that all roads lead to that final destination._

_It doesn't mean he won't rail against the injustice, the emotion of that lost child always at the heart of him, ready to defend any child neglected in the fight to save the world. _

_I'm glad despite the loss of his father for John, that Henry was blessed to meet and save his grandsons. I'm relieved they all came to respect and love each other in the short time they were allowed to be together. It's not a lot, but it's the most a Winchester would ever expect. _

_Thanks for reading and commenting, if you'd like to share your thoughts!_

_B.J._


	19. Resentment

Chapter Nineteen – Resentment

This stranger falls out of our closet.

Arrogant.

Condescending…

He riles me from the jump.

Asks for John.

Demands answers.

Offers us none.

Time Travel.

I friggin' hate it.

More crap.

More family demands.

Legacies…

Men of Letters.

All I know is this guy abandoned Dad.

Left his child alone

In a world not safe.

Talk all you want about obligations.

Duty.

What's expected…

You're a father!

You have a responsibility to your son!

To be there.

To protect him.

You don't abandon him.

Leave him wondering.

Your job is to be a father.

That's what matters to a kid.

The End

bjxmas

February 2013

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I love that Dean always thinks of the children first. He is a protector and advocate for kids. I love that despite is own simmering issues with his dad, he takes John's side here…knowing how the hurt of abandonment lingers and torments you well into adulthood. He understands and defends John's pain._

_Still I think in the end he came to understand and respect Henry too. I think they would have gotten on even better if given the time to really connect. I wish the writers could have allowed Henry that time. But it is awesome that he knew the Winchesters would carry on, protecting the word and the world, as they must._

_Thanks for reading… Comments?_

_B.J._


	20. Acceptance

Chapter Twenty-One - Acceptance

Dean reacted the same way he did when Adam surfaced.

Angry.

Resentful.

_Hurt._

Dean's always defended Dad.

Always been on his side.

He lost that when his anger and disappointment in Dad spiked.

It was good to see it back.

Even if this stranger bore the brunt.

Henry came on strong.

Dismissive.

Impatient and demanding.

He's our grandfather.

It was shocking.

But also fascinating and maybe even comforting.

A blast from the past.

Insight into the Winchesters.

I get Dean's reluctance.

But I can't shut him out.

He's family.

I get where Henry's coming from.

He didn't know about Dad.

The End

bjxmas

February 2013

All standard disclaimers apply.

_Somehow Sam is able to process these revelations quicker than Dean. Maybe because he distances himself from Dad and all the hurt that Dean naturally takes on. It's not that Sam is impervious to his father's pain at feeling abandoned, it's just he didn't identify as strongly with John. _

_It's just how the brothers react, differently and with different levels of acceptance. I think both came to embrace Henry as part of their family and to accept that he loved their dad and wanted to be there for him._

_Just another tragedy for the Winchesters, another loss that a child had to endure._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing, much appreciated._

_B.J._


	21. Legacies

Chapter Twenty-One - Legacies

_Legacies…_

Men of Letters.

One more demand.

Another family obligation.

To carry on a tradition.

To learn the words and heritage of the Winchesters.

We've been in the battle our entire lives.

Fighting in the trenches.

Saving the world.

Stopping the Apocalypse.

No change there.

Duty.

Purpose.

Two families brought together.

The Winchesters and the Campbells.

Our destiny.

To unite the brains and the brawn.

To fight with cunning and forethought.

To outwit and out-maneuver evil.

To conquer and send them back to Hell.

To save and protect innocents.

It's what we do.

What we've always done.

_The Family Business._

The End

bjxmas

February 2013

All standard disclaimers apply.

_I love the endless possibilities this gives the writers and how it all ties in with what Cupid said in My Bloody Valentine. I love that both Sam and Dean embrace all aspects of hunters and men of letters, how they both have the brains and the brawn. They may each prefer or gravitate toward one aspect, but both are capable and fierce whatever the battle or means of engagement. They are Winchesters, and the world is in good hands as long as they are there to carry on the traditions of their ancestors._

_This seems like a good place to end this series. Thanks for sharing your time with me._

_Comments always appreciated!_

_B.J._


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